The end.

I'm not going to tell you any more. I could probaly say about how I got ill and all, but I dont feel like it. All people keep asking me is whether or not i'm going to apply myself when I go back to school. Stupid question. Thing is, whilst I was cooped up in there. I sort of missed people. You know even the Phoneys like stradlater and that goddam Maurice. It funny. You start missing evyone.

Entry 25

When I got outside it was getting light. I dint want to spend all Phoebe's dough on another hotel so I took the subway down to grand central to get my bags. When I got there I put my feet up on the seats and fell asleep in their for a while. but eventualy it started to get pretty busy so I left. I was so goddam depressed. Then I started to think about what Mr Antolini did. But it scaed the hell out of me. I thought of when Mr Antolini was the only one who would pick James Castles body up off the ground. I wasnt hungry but I thought i'd better get some breakfast so i walked over to where the cheap restaurants were so as not to spend too much of Phoebe's dough. I passed some guys on the way their who made me laugh. Only thing was, When I laughed I felt like I was about to vomit. When I went into the restaurant I couldn't swallow my doughnuts too well so the waitor took them back without charging me. Later on after i'd left the restaurant something very spooky happened. Every time I got to the end of a block and stepped off the curb, I had a feeling i'd just keep on going down, down, down. What I did was, when I got to the end of a block I spoke to Allie and asked him to not let me disappear. I cant remember it all too well. All I remember is thinking about what it would be like if I went and got a job filling up gas in people's cars, I figured what i'd do was act like I was a deaf mute. That would stop people making these long phoney conversations with me. But first before I went out west and got a job, I figured i'd like to see Phoebe and give her christmas money back to her. So what I did was, I wrote a note telling old Phoebe to meet me at the museum of art when she was on her dinner break. I took the note up to Phoebes school for the old lady to give to her. But then I saw something which annoyed the hell out of me. Someone had wrote a swear word on the wall of the stairs. Just thinking aout all the children reading the word and wondering what it meant drove me crazy! So I rubbed it out. When I left the school, I made my way up to the museum to wait for Phoebe. I saw these two little kids and they asked me where the mummies were. I'd been there hundreds of times when I was a kid and I knew the museum like the back of my hand. But that day I just couldn't find the mummies. Finally I found it and left the two little kids to go and look for Phoebe. I waited quite a while. But when she did come up those stairs she had her cases with her. She wouldn't go back to school unless i promised her I wouldn't leave or else she wanted to go with me. Finally I managed to persuade her I wasn't going anywhere and we went for a walk around the zoo. After we left that place we started to hear the carrousel music. Phoebe commented on it and I asked if she wanted to ride it. When she got on it I felt so goddam happy all of a sudden. Just watching her go round and round made me the happiest i'd been in a long time.

Entry 24

Mr and Mrs Antolini lived in some swanky apartment over in Sutton place. It wasn't too far from my mothers place, but I felt sort of funny when I got outside. So I took a cab down to Sutton place. Mr Antolini answered the door and I could tell he was a bit oiled up. When I got inside we sort of chewed the fat a while whilst Mrs Antolini brewed us up some coffee. When the coffee was finally ready Mrs Antolini went to bed. Soon we got round tothe topic of me flunking out of Pencey Prep. I was so goddam sleepy. I started to tell Mr Antolini about my old english lessons. You had to make a spontaneous speech and all and if they went off topic you had to shout 'digression!' and all at them. It was horrible. I find it much more interesting when someone goes off topic. Later on into the night Mr Antolini kept on giving be a load of advice about mky future and stuff. He even gave me a qoute from some psychoanalyst. It said, "The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the immature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." But I felt so damn tired all of a sudden and I couldn't understand it completely. Mr Antolini was so oiled up that he was asking a lot of silly questions like, "How's your women?" Then I did something very rude. I couldn't stop myself, I let out some huge yawn. It was so rude of me, Mr Antolini didnt care of cause and he helped me make up a bed for me. I must of fell asleep very quickly because I dont remember much. All I know is that I was woke up and found Mr Antolini stroking my head. That kind of perverty stuff scares me to tell you the truth, it really does. Boy I left that place as quick as I can. All Mr Antolini would say to me is that i'm a very strange child.

Entry 23

I made the call very snappy incase my parents walked in. Mr antolinin was very nice, he said I could come over right away. so after I promised Phoebe i'd be back, That what I did. Me and phoebe had a little dance first, but then I made my way towards mr antolini's. On they way out of DB's room my mother came in. I quickly hid in the wardrobe and waited for her to leave. Before I left I asked old Phoebe if i could borrow some dough seeing as I was broke again. She gave me all her christmas money so in return I gave her my hunting hat. When I finaly left the house, I felt depressed as hell.

Entry 22

I went out of the room to sneak some ciggerattes out of the case in the living room, and when I came back she had her pillow off her head. But still all she would say is 'Daddy's going to kill you!' Then after a while she started to ask me questions about why I had flunked out and she got real mad. She was starting to act like everyone else. I dont remember so well but I started to rant opn about pencey and old phoebe kept telling me not to swear so much. She askjed me what I wanted to be so I told her. I want to be the catcher in the rye. I could tell she didnt like it much and she was so dissapointed. I felt depressed as hell. I cpouldn't bear it anymore. not off phoebe. So what I did was I went back into the living room and rang my old teacher, Mr Antolini.

Entry 21

I was lonesome as hell and I felt like shooting the bull with old phoebe for a bit. So what I did was I made my way back to my parents house and sneaked up to our floor by telling the ewlevator boy some phoney story. I didnt want my parents to hear my entering the house so i crept all the way in. My father wouldn't hear me but my mother is as nervous as hell. Shje spends all night smopking in bed. I checked in olkd Phoebe's room but she wasn't there. I felt so goddam lonely. After a while I rememberd DB wouldn't be home and when he was away Phoebe liked to sleep in his room with the big desk. So I crept all the way back through the house and styepped into DB's room. There she was lay on tghe bed looking as pretty as hell with her mouth half open. I dint want to wake her up and make her jump just yet, so what I did was I started to read her diary. Sher was always making herself some phoney middle names. That kills me. After a while I thought it would be best if I woke her up. She wakes up very easy for a little kid. When she sat up she looked pleased as hell. She practicaly screamed at me in delight. I asked her to keep it low but she was excited as hell. We sat up for a while shooting the bull but eventualy she workded out why I was home early. all she would say is, 'Daddy's going to kill you!' and she put her pillow over her head and wouldn't speak to me for ages.

Entry 20

I felt lonesome as hell just sitting there waiting for old Tina and Janine to come out and do their stuff. TYruns out, They'd quite, this new girl, Valencia came out with some flitty looking guy and sung a tune instead. I sat at that bar till around 1 am and i got totaly drunk. Then, when I was at the bar, I started to pretend I was wounded, But I couldn't let anyone know I was wounded. What I did was, I went into a phone booth and gave old sally a buzz. Her grandmother answered and she put Sally on. I'd woken her up you see, Imagine that. Then I dont know what made me do it but I was screaming down the phone at her about her goddam christmas tree. After a while of hectic screaming she told me to go to bed and put the reciever down on me. Anyway, I went back into the bar and visited the can. When I was in there, The flitty guy who was with the singer came in, I told him to give her my compliments but I'd bet he didnt.
I felt depressed as hell. When I left the bar I realised I had nowhere else to go. so what I did was I walked through the park and went to look for the ducks. I damn near fell in. Boy it was dark. I knew central park like the back of my hand but that night I just couldn't find my way. So what I did was I sat down on a bench and fell asleep wondering if I was going to get pneumonia or not. Who woul go to my funeral? Goddam phoneys!

Entry 19

Later that day I went on to the bar and met old luce. The first thing he said when we saw each other was he didnt have long. What a phoney. Anyway we got some refreshments and got talking but it was a pointless excercise. every time I tried to ask him about his love life He cut me off short and recomended I go and get myself analyzed. He told me of some new chinese girl he was dating but thats as detailed as he would get. What a pointless waste of time that meeting was. Anyway in the end we both went our seperate ways.

Entry 18

After I left the skating rink i felt hungry so i went to the drugstore and had a swiss cheese sandwhich and a malted. I felt depressed as hell, so I thought i'd give old jane a buzz to see if she was home yet. I thought maybe we could go dancing, I've seen her dance before but have never actualy danced with her. She didnt answer it so I had to hang up. So I thought i'd tak a look through my adress book and see who I could phone. Trouble was though, I only had three people in it. Jane, Mr antolini, and my dad office. Finaly I decided what i'd do was give Calr Luce a ring. He graduated from whooton after I left. He was the most intelligent guy i've ever seen. He had the highest IQ at Whooton! Anyway thats what I did, When he answered he was pretty suprised to hear from me. And we made a date. He had to be somewhere that day but he said he could have a quick drink with me, so thats what we arranged. I had loads of time to kill so I went to the movies. I wasnt in the right mood for the movies. This film was about some army guy. DB was in the army you know? Yeah, he was in it for four years. Only thing was when he'd come home on leave, he would just sit on his bed all day and wouldn't say anything to anyone. I guess thats what war does to a guy like DB.

Entry 17

I was early when I went to meet to Sally. So I sat down and did a bit of sight seeing. There was a lot of different girls around with alot of phoney guys. Then i remember about this phoney guy I roomed with at elkton hills. He was a terrific whistler. Naturally I never told him. When I finally met up with Sally she looked amazing, And when I told her we was going to see the lunts she was overwhelmed with excitement. When we got to the showing at the interval of the phoney thing, Sally bumped into some guy she used to know. They both went on and raved about the Lunts and when they finaly went their seperate ways Sally wanted to know if i wanted to go ice skating. I wasnt crazy about the idea but we went anyway. When we got their we was almsot the worst skaters on the rink. All the others were phoney rubbernecks who liked to watch as we fell on our backsides. After a while we got fed up of entertaining the rubbernecks so we went inside for a drink. I dont know what happened next. I dont know what made me do it but we was talking and i suggested that we left together. You know out in the country where we could be happy and I could get a job and take care of her. Then all of a sudden I was shouting at her. She got really scared and started to cry. I said I was sorry but she had already ran off. I felt so goddam depressed.

Entry 16

After I'd left the nuns I tried to imagine my parents working for charity. It was so goddam hard. Later on whilst I was walking to meet Sally I saw a family. There was this boy walking on the edge of the road where the cars had to swirve to miss him. But he was singing this song, 'when a body meet a body'. It made me feel much happier for some goddam strange reason. I went to the park later that day and watched a few tiny kids paying on the see saw. One of the sides was very unbalanced so I put my hand on his end of the see saw to even it up. I could tell they didnt want me around so I left.

Entry 15

When I woke up next day I started to think about Jane. I thought I might give her a buzz but i thought against it. So I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz and I arranged a date with her. When I got to the railway station later that day I met some nuns. I like nuns. These 2 were realy nice though. At first they wouldn't let me make a donation but in the end i insisted and they took my cash.

Entry 14

After old sonny left, I stayed in my chair smoking. I was feeling so goddam depressed. I started talking to Allie. I told him to get his bike and meet me outside Bobby's. I always feel guilty about that. Allie wanted to come with us once but i wouldn't let him because we were taking our bb guns. After I had finished talking to Allie I got into my bed. Then someone knocked on my door. I knew who it was straight away. I opened the door and old maurice entered with sonny. He said that I owed him 5 bucks. I wouldnt give it to him so he beat me up pretty badly and took the money out of my wallet. When they left I felt like committing suicide.

Entry 13

I walked all the way to the hotel. When I got into the hotel the elevetator boy was standing there. He asked me if I was interested. So I said yes but no old bag. When I got into the room , the prostitute entered after a few minutes. But the thing is, I didnt feel like doing it. So we sat and talked for a while but she got upset and after a while I started to tell her this phoney story about me just having an operation. So she left leaving me feeling depressed.